


5 Things SG-1

by delphia2000



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Drama, Gen, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-18
Updated: 2009-11-18
Packaged: 2017-10-03 06:41:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delphia2000/pseuds/delphia2000
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of prompts from a 5 Things community on LiveJournal, sg1_five_things<br/>Some adult themes, suggestions of slash and sex, nothing graphic</p>
            </blockquote>





	5 Things SG-1

5 Things SG1

Five games or competitions in which Sam &amp; Cam kicked Daniel, Vala &amp; Teal'c's butts  
1) Trivial Pursuit. Current events, sports and science are their easiest wedges to acquire and the ones none of the others ever got. Vala tried to beat them once by slipping in a copy of Disney Trivial Pursuit thinking her Princess knowledge would give her a leg up, but Sam's photographic memory for song lyrics brought her down.  
2) Cribbage. Daniel and Vala could both keep up with the math, but card games were not enough action for Vala and halfway through she'd sexually harass Daniel and put him off his game. Teal'c just plain wouldn't play as he found the game to be pointless.  
3) Volleyball. Beaches, bikinis and Vala once again was a liability to her team as she distracted them first by the thong she insisted on wearing, and second by the attention she garnered before the cops arrived and insisted she cover up. The game was only half-way over, but Team SamCam was so far ahead by then, it was an obvious win.  
4) Risk. Teal'c could almost defeat them both all by himself, but Cam would take crazy risks that somehow worked out and they barely squeaked in a win.  
5) Jack's annual Halloween party. Vala convinced both the guys to be backup singers to her Diana Ross as they lip-synced 'Stop In the Name of Love' in red spangled evening dresses, but when Sam and Cam showed up as Men In Black, complete with alien muppets, they stole first prize. Of course everyone in the team knew those weren't really muppets, but some small alien life forms borrowed from PX6-127 and Daniel thought that was cheating. However Jack gave them extra points for the stealth mission they'd run to smuggle the critters through the gate, right under Landry's nose. He also suggested that Daniel's poor sportsmanship was due to a too-tightly-laced corset problem.

Five things Major Davis hates about his job  
1) Getting passed over for promotions, but with the current 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy, he figures he's probably lucky to have a job at all.  
2) Paperwork every time Daniel comes back from the dead.  
3) Taking that long walk up to someone's front door, knowing his knock is the one they never wanted. And then having to tell sobbing family members that everything is highly classified and in some cases, there won't even be a body for them to bury.  
4) Flying back and forth between the SGC and the Pentagon and never getting to fly the plane himself. He's always up to his eyeballs in virtual paperwork on his laptop while flying.  
5) He hates it most of all when a snarky, irritated General O'Neill calls him Princess. Sometimes he thinks it might be worth a tour at Ft. Leavenworth for striking a superior officer.   
*tip of the hat to Anais for this reference to one of her fics!*

Five things Absolute Power!Daniel does to relax  
This is a trick prompt....Absolute!Power Daniel does not relax. He is too busy running the world. ;o)

However if he did relax, he would be:  
1) Having a lot of sex with anyone he wanted.  
2) Toasting marshmallows over a fire made from every known copy of Budge in the world.  
3) Taking a nap in that sarcophagus he stole from Baal.  
4) Rewriting the school curriculums in all countries to include evolution, sex education and higher math.  
5) Having a lot of sex with anyone he wanted.

Five times SG-1 got involved in "Wormhole Xtreme" shipper wars  
1\. Vala and Teal'c wrote a blazing hot slash fic about Col. Danning and Dr. Levant. They posted it under the name sidWX, which Vala selected hoping to capitalize on another popular fic writer's name. Then Vala pretended to find it on the web and showed it to Daniel.  
2\. Daniel wrote a long, blistering review of said fic, which said that while the porn parts were hot, it was obviously a MarySue.  
3\. Mitchell also read and commented, but his only real criticism was that they hadn't included any handcuffs in the sex scenes.   
4\. Teal'c, not knowing that Daniel was posting as SpaceMonkey, posted a flame back at his criticism accusing him of literary jealousy. He posted using his screen name GrellRox.  
5\. After Daniel had showed him the fic, General O'Neill used the threat of Siberia and lemons to get McKay to hack the site, crashing it permanently. But not before he had made a copy of the fic. He reads it occasionally for inspiration.

Five secrets about Cam that only Vala knows  
1\. He really likes oral sex and he's just as good as giving as he is at receiving. They have agreed to never talk about it, ever again and he's promised her that he will never, ever say anything to Daniel about that one drunken night.  
2\. He had a pet pig when he was a child. As much as he tried not to get too attached to it, he cried when it sold at the 4H Auction. However, later, he found out his grandmother had bought it for him and it lived to a ripe old age under her care.  
3\. Because of Wilbur, he's not too fond of pork products.  
4\. His greatest fear is being put back in that wheelchair he had to use temporarily.  
5\. Even Cam doesn't know that Vala sneaked into the infirmary with the Gou'ald healing device to make sure he wasn't going to end up in a wheelchair after that fight with Replicator-Marrick.

Five reasons Jack stopped wearing fingerless gloves  
1\. They turned out to be totally worthless when he needed to protect his fingers from a hot gun barrel.  
2\. They were equally worthless the time they got stuck on that ice planet.  
3\. Anise and Freya both told him they looked sexy on him.  
4\. Harry Maybourne told him they looked good on him.  
5\. Daniel told him they looked sexy and he brought them home and they had hot sex in the foyer while he was wearing them and after that, every time he put them on, he thought of sex and got embarrassingly hard at inappropriate times so he stopped wearing them. Except sometimes at home.

Five people Cam wants to recruit to SG-1  
1) He's heard how crazy Col. Dave Dixon is, but he'd still trust him to watch his back.  
2) If he got Dr. Lam off-world, out from under her daddy's watchful eye, he might get the chance to really get to know her.  
3) Jonas Quinn earned his spot on the team. He should come back.  
4) He thinks a Tok'ra would be an interesting addition to the team and from what Sam's told him, he's very sorry that Lantash/Martouf are no longer around. Besides, getting two for the price of one would be awesome.  
5) The team needs another woman to make it even, so getting Teyla on his team would be a huge score. She could probably even keep Vala in line.

Five things that happened when SG-1 took a team trip to Disney World  
1) Cam lost a bet the first day and had to wear a Mickey ears hat for the duration. By the end of the trip, everyone had a set, including Teal'c who couldn't wear it in public because it didn't hide the tat, but he did wear in the room a lot.  
2) Vala got them kicked off the Tea Cups when she got Jackson to puke by spinning their cup too fast. Jackson nearly got them kicked off Pirates of the Caribbean when he wouldn't shut up about all the historical inaccuracies.  
3) They quickly discovered the 'thrill' rides just didn't compare with dodging zat blasts on another planet, so they ended up just going on the 'fun' type rides. They all agreed the best time was the afternoon spent relaxing by the pool at their hotel doing nothing at all.  
4) Teal'c developed a strange fixation with the Small World ride, claiming it relaxed him almost as much as kelnoriming used to. On the up side, it made it much easier to find him whenever they got separated.  
5) They sat out on their balcony on the last evening, watching the sun go down while they ate surf and turf ordered from room service. Jackson ordered several bottles of wine for them to try and by the time the fireworks started, they were all feeling pretty mellow. Even though they'd been together for so long, knew each other so well, and shared life and death in a way few friends ever do, they talked until the sun came up. They all fell asleep on the plane ride home to Colorado.

Five Times Someone from SG1 Cried  
1) Sam cried after the last time they tried unsuccessfully to reach the Tollen. She waited until she was home alone.  
2) Teal'c cried when he held his grandson for the first time. Rya'c and Bra'tac cried with him.  
3) Vala cried after the umpteenth time Daniel rejected her advances. She told herself that it was purely sexual frustration and nothing else.  
4) Daniel cried on the first anniversary of Shau'ri's death. Teal'c shed tears too, as Daniel sobbed on his shoulder.  
5) They all cried at General Hammond's funeral when his granddaughter Kayla sang 'Wind Beneath My Wings' for him.


End file.
